The subtle art of spouse negotiation!

[NS]

no she isn't bothered, I do what I want when I want. The ask the mrs is a common excuse from tyre kickers and tight arses.

The only purchased I discuss with her besides colour of frame are cars and clothes. She gives good input on both, she has no veto though

[MrCurrieinahurry]

lol like my mrs she quite good and matching things for my bike
tikka

[LucVR]

Pretty interesting thread this one. I've never understood how and why people would have to discuss and motivate (or even worse lie about) bike expenses to their partner. I've made it VERY clear to my girlfriend (we've been together for a good 10,5 years now) from day one that my expenses for my bike(s) are NOT open for discussion, EVER.
When she moved in with me, we joined our incomes into one 'household account', as most couples do I guess. But we also decided to each keep a certain amount to ourselves, on a personal account, to be used at our own discretion, with no interference of the other whatsoever. Of course, not being a fanatical biker like me, in the beginning she has tried challenging some expenses (especially the bigger ones) a few times, but I 've NEVER let it come to a lengthy discussion. For me it 's very simple when she starts something like that: that part of the budget is NOT OPEN FOR DISCUSSION.

[BluSkyy]

So after the bills are paid and food bought. What business is it of hers what you spend your money on?

I think the term "pussy whipped" seems to apply to some on here

Are you married?

I'm not whipped but I'm not going to be a dick just for the hell of it.

[NS]

No we have only been together for 9 years. Does marriage mean you have to start lying to each other?

[evenfasterson]

You have to negotiate?

"Sorry we're not going on holiday this summer, im getting this..."

[drjones96]

You've got to be fair to your spouse and the rest of your family too. As much as I'd like to I can't be spending thousands on bike stuff while I'm having to scrape money together to pay bills, put food on the table, and clothe three kids. Meanwhile life sucks for them because they have to make due with playing checkers with each other because there is no money for them to spend on fun things.

So....If I spend a few hundred on something bike related I'd better have double that much to spend on something for them.....otherwise I'm the one who looks like a dick in the end.

[evenfasterson]

I am fortunate enough not to have such responsibilities at the moment. Doesnt mean I can spend all my money on bikes though.

The above was meant as a joke of course. Family must come before such things as drjones said.

[LucVR]

You've got to be fair to your spouse and the rest of your family too. As much as I'd like to I can't be spending thousands on bike stuff while I'm having to scrape money together to pay bills, put food on the table, and clothe three kids. Meanwhile life sucks for them because they have to make due with playing checkers with each other because there is no money for them to spend on fun things.

So....If I spend a few hundred on something bike related I'd better have double that much to spend on something for them.....otherwise I'm the one who looks like a dick in the end.

You are absolutely right and I have to admit that I don 't have the responsabilities of kids, which of course makes a number of things a lot easier for me.
But I am still convinced that you can keep discussions about personal spendings to a minimum if you can agree on what part of the total budget is necessary for the 'family budget' and what stays available for 'personal needs'. How much exactly goes to what part is of course up to the happy family to decide.

[BluSkyy]

I agree with this entirely.

[rustychain]

All relationships are different I think. Having kids makes it different too. Often one person will make more money then the other and if this is the case its important to respect the others situation. HOWEVER.......... we all know that just by being on this forum you obsesive by nature. Sometimes it makes good sence for us to pay $1000 for a set of brakes despite the fact that they don't stop very well. Sometimes it makes good sence for my wife to buy a purse that cost the same. She does not always want to hear about my stupidity nor I hers. It kind of a game I suppose and we are both kidding ourselves with respect to needs vs wants. Example, I would be happy to give up a cruise for a nice new bike. My wife would prefer the cruise. This is why we negotiate*

* obfuscate, pay cash, act supprised when the bill shows up, etc.

[LucVR]

Rustychain , I agree with what you say, surely about what being on this forum says about us.
Negotiations about certain expenses will always be necessary, not only because it 's about a large amount of money. People's financial situation also changes over time, forcing you to re-evaluate financial priorities.
But even on the big expenses, negotiation/discussion is not always needed, I think. If there's no big common cost in the near future (think new car, house, school fees ...) and you are in a stable position income-wise, and you have the personal budget for a 1000,00$ wheelset or purse, why would you need a discussion about that, however stupid you think the other 's spending is? That is the freedom you should be able to give eachother.

[frd]

(...) If there's no big common cost in the near future (think new car, house, school fees ...) and you are in a stable position income-wise, and you have the personal budget for a 1000,00$ wheelset or purse, why would you need a discussion about that, however stupid you think the other 's spending is? That is the freedom you should be able to give eachother.

In my case my wife doesn't have an expensive hobby and doesn't like jewelry nor other expensive stuff.
We usually discuss before I buy expensive cycling things, just because right now money is there, but who knows if in some years for example we will have kids, temporarily loose job, etc...
In 10 years I won't remember those $400 brakes, but it would be a shame not to have saved money for ex. to build a house just because I bought new carbon wheels every year.

You have to think a bit long term and even if I know nothing about economy and finance, common sense tells me that financially-wise most money spent in cycling stuff is wasted (i.e. not an investment).

Discussing with my wife helps me keeping things in perspective: she may help me realize that some uber-expensive toys (that for me and my cycling-obsessed friends are normally accepted) are really stupid in fact.

I would also say that we (me included) are victims of a huge marketing operation: years ago people realized that cycling is a very good way to make money and understood that people are ready to pay big money for useless things if you tell them hard enough that they are needed to enjoy the sport.
Just read one of the Italian Granfondo magazines to realize that.
...but this is an entirely different discussion

[LucVR]

I'm not too good at long term thinking, nor am I a big believer in it, but I see your point, especially when kids are involved. However, you could (at least partially) solve that issue by allowing for a savings margin in the 'household budget'. If that means that there's less left for you personnally, so be it. That just means you have to save up a little longer for certain bike related things.
And yes, we are all victims of the marketing machine, but doesn't that apply to almost everything we buy and not only th ebike stuff. I'm sure that we could save quite a lot of money if we could bring ourselves to look at purchases in a more rational way. Do you really NEED that big MPV to bring your kids to school or could you do with a simple van? Probably not, but it's a lot more fun to drive, right?

[ericm]

I hate arguing about money. Or anything really, but money arguments are the worst. So my wife and I agree on all the joint stuff- house, retirement, etc (kid expenses if we had them). Anything we make above that is extra to be spent as we wish. Of course you need to be doing better than just scraping by for this to work; but that just means that your joint expenses should be lower- don't spend so much. If one partner makes significantly less or is staying home to raise kids you'll need to adjust for that.

The important thing about each partner having their own money is they can't veto your purchases and you can't veto theirs. It has to work both ways.

I'm lucky that my wife encouages my cycling. Possibly because she knows how much easier I am to live with when I've been getting lots of exercise.