i read guys talking about how stiff chainset is and no flex etc etc , but please explain what i should or should not be feeling.
maybe its because i dont ride that much but ive never been able to feel better or worse shifting from one chainset to another

I would suggest that in that case, you've nothing to worry about? Some people notice a 1mm difference in saddle height, some people won't notice a 1cm difference. Some of it is psychological, for example something that cost more feels better, and some differences can be demonstrated on a lab bench.

If you want actual numbers, check out the fairwheel bikes crank test. But if you're happy with what you're running, there's no problem.

I would say that if you have to completely stop pedaling to shift up to the big chainring, you are experiencing flex. I had an FSA chainset that shifted terribly.....I hated it. I then switched to the Ultegra 6700 chainset and shifting is beautiful......I won't trade it for anything.

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2012 Fuji Altamira SE - 6.42kg

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When cyclist push the weight weenie envelope and get lighter and lighter chainrings flex can show up. Very common to shift UP from small to big and dump the chain to the outboard side due to a flexy big ring.
Shimano may not have the BLING factor but they are the benchmark for stiffness.