The stupidest thing you've heard at a bike shop...

[synchronicity]

Which store was that?!

It's sad when labour becomes that expensive... I'm assertive enough now to tell them what I think of their labour charges... what shits me with a lot of stores is that they're also charging premium prices for crap no-name tools.

[mrfish]

I suspect the sales person's problem was that he / she couldn't add up, and then had no idea how much a set of wheels should cost, so didn't spot the mistake.

[legs 11]

A good mate and also a lurking weenie goes into a bike shop in London as he's got a crit Surrey league race the next day and needs to replace a punctured Tub, it's kind of a last chance type of thing but he thinks......hell, it's Evans, the biggest bike shop chain in the London area right?.....so I'll give it a go.
Glenn, "Hi, I'm looking for a tube of Tubular tyre glue?"
Spotty Kid, "UUUUH? Yeah....what about a puncture repair kit....that's got glue in it?"
Glenn, "Sorry mate, I think you got the wrong end of the stick, I need GLUE to stick on a TUBULAR tyre......do you know what a tub tyre is????"
Spotty kid, "Oh yeah...of course, what you need is a puncture repair kit?"
Glenn, NO....not a puncture repair kit a TUBULAR glue or Tub tape?
Spotty kid, "I think I should get the manager"
Manager comes over, very nice guy and extremely customer freindly.
Manager, "So you need some tubular glue?"
Glenn, "Yes"

Manager, "You need a puncture repair kit"
Glenn, "NO, sorry mate, but I need some Tubular tyre adhesive"
Manager, "How about a seperate tube of puncture repair glue?....only a couple of quid?"
Glenn, "Look mate, I need a different product TUBULAR TYRE ADHESIVE, it's for gluing on Tubular road tyres onto tubular rims?....you know?"
Manager, "Oh yeah......Hold on for a minute, I'll get the wrench guy"
Glenn, "OK, no worries"
Wrench, "So you want some glue?"
Glenn, "Yes mate, some Tubular road tyre glue to stick tubs onto tub rims"
Wrench looks in total puzzlement........."A what?"
Glenn, "You Know?....Glue the type of thing that Continental make to glue on the tubulars that you have on the hook over there"
Wrench, "OH YEAH!....what you need is a puncture repair kit.....it's got glue in it"
Glenn, "NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a tube of Tubular glue"
Wrench comes out with an old tube of Tub glue from about 1950 without a lid, it became a solid mass in 1952 and has been lurking in a toolbox ever since.
Wrench, "I've got this......old mech left it here a few years ago"
Glenn, "Whatever mate...........I've gotta go before I end up physically abusing someone"

And the Olympics are coming here?
God help us and Evans cycles.......... .
People wonder why most people in the London area buy their stuff from the internet and laugh when they pass Evans....
Rob.

[Alan Sherman]

Evans cycles again....

On my refusal of the 4th Specialized tarmac due to chipped paint the manager says "well they get knocked around a bit in the shop"

So you have eight thousand pounds worth of damaged goods then?

[EURO]

Frames
Me: So, what is the difference between this frame and that one, other than about £200?
Salesguy: Well that one has a sloping top tube so it's a much more relaxed geometry, gives a better ride etc.
Me: So what exaclty makes it more relaxed? According to the brochures those bikes both have 73.5 degree seat tubes.
Salesguy: The top tube
Me: Really, I always thought the top tube just joined up the seat and head tubes, and that the seat and head tube angles are what made it more / less relaxed, and on those bikes they are the same.
Salesguy: Oh, well I don't know much - I haven't done product training on road bikes. I just ride my MTB.
Me: AAaaargh.

Lights
Me: I am thinking about getting a brighter light than my commuting lights. What do you recommend?
Saleslady: We don't have anything.
Me: Well what about those 2 under your hand through the glass counter?
Saleslady: Oh yeah, these are great. They're much brighter than normal ones and last for ages. Stops talking, stands still and looks at me.
Me: Well, can I have a look at them?
Saleslady: Reaches under the counter, switches on the lights so that they shine in my eyes, stands up again
Me: They're shining in my eyes
Saleslady: I was just showing how bright they are
Me: (turned round) Well they're blinding me. Perhaps you could get them out from under the counter so that I can look at them?
Saleslady: OK
Me: What is the difference between this one and that one?
Saleslady: Well I have no idea. JOHN, can you come and serve this customer
John arrives and starts lots of moderately informed babble about the lights. He recommends I go to one of their bigger stores to try a broader range. I agree I will go elsewhere.

Where did this occur? Let's just say one of the largest London chains. What drives me nuts is that sales people can't be bothered to acquire basic knowledge about the products they want to shift. Training is one thing, but reading the brochures then being able to look at 2 frames and say 'this one has round tubes and this one has oval' then read the stickers on the frame aint rocket science. Yes the products are complicated and you can't be expected to know everything, but basic competence is needed.

Seems like the wrong people are working in these stores - people who want to earn £10 per hour for doing as little as possible and don't really ride bikes themselves.

Good old Evans... the irony of course is that the last three posts (mine included) are stories experienced by people who are members of a club sponsored by these stores!

[evenfasterson]

"ISIS BB? Whats an ISIS BB?"

Muppet.

[synchronicity]

A good mate and also a lurking weenie goes into a bike shop in London as he's got a crit Surrey league race the next day and needs to replace a punctured Tub, it's kind of a last chance type of thing but he thinks......hell, it's Evans, the biggest bike shop chain in the London area right?.....so I'll give it a go.
Glenn, "Hi, I'm looking for a tube of Tubular tyre glue?"
Spotty Kid, "UUUUH? Yeah....what about a puncture repair kit....that's got glue in it?"
Glenn, "Sorry mate, I think you got the wrong end of the stick, I need GLUE to stick on a TUBULAR tyre......do you know what a tub tyre is????"
Spotty kid, "Oh yeah...of course, what you need is a puncture repair kit?"
Glenn, NO....not a puncture repair kit a TUBULAR glue or Tub tape?
Spotty kid, "I think I should get the manager"
Manager comes over, very nice guy and extremely customer freindly.
Manager, "So you need some tubular glue?"
Glenn, "Yes"

Manager, "You need a puncture repair kit"
Glenn, "NO, sorry mate, but I need some Tubular tyre adhesive"
Manager, "How about a seperate tube of puncture repair glue?....only a couple of quid?"
Glenn, "Look mate, I need a different product TUBULAR TYRE ADHESIVE, it's for gluing on Tubular road tyres onto tubular rims?....you know?"
Manager, "Oh yeah......Hold on for a minute, I'll get the wrench guy"
Glenn, "OK, no worries"
Wrench, "So you want some glue?"
Glenn, "Yes mate, some Tubular road tyre glue to stick tubs onto tub rims"
Wrench looks in total puzzlement........."A what?"
Glenn, "You Know?....Glue the type of thing that Continental make to glue on the tubulars that you have on the hook over there"
Wrench, "OH YEAH!....what you need is a puncture repair kit.....it's got glue in it"
Glenn, "NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a tube of Tubular glue"
Wrench comes out with an old tube of Tub glue from about 1950 without a lid, it became a solid mass in 1952 and has been lurking in a toolbox ever since.
Wrench, "I've got this......old mech left it here a few years ago"
Glenn, "Whatever mate...........I've gotta go before I end up physically abusing someone"

And the Olympics are coming here?
God help us and Evans cycles.......... .
People wonder why most people in the London area buy their stuff from the internet and laugh when they pass Evans....
Rob.

Err... I do understand your plight (i.e. they're total igoramuses ) and I'm sure this deserves its own topic, but it is basically the same stuff, right? I'm sure others would be willing to debate this for 10 or 20 pages... and it certainly has been on other forums... but if the contact adhesive is strong enough to stick a patch onto a tube (provided you know the correct procedure), then I think it'd also be strong enough to glue a tub.
(I have glued tubs with the continental stuff btw)

[rustychain]

yes in a pinch tire repair glue works, its all cantacy adhisive but some contact glues are stronger then others.

I was also told when shopping for valve exteders that I could by a tube with a valve long enoug for my Boras. Still searching

[lincoln]

and this is why Condor is the busiest bike shop in the UK... and can charge full RRP...

Silliest thing I heard was the Manager at Condor telling me that they don't sell "Campy" and then proceeded to teach me how to pronounce Campagnolo... over and over again. No, he wasn't joking.

Just let me pay for my friggin brake cable and get me out of here!!

[MachineHead]

"So, you looking for a bike?"

[kwazi]

this is from when i worked at the campus bike shop at UC santa barbara last summer...

hot sorority girl- "Hey, can you cut my U-lock off?"
me- "No, I'm sorry, we can't do that." (due to campus regulations concerning bike theft, not because we have dont have an angle grinder and bolt cutters just in case)
girl- "Don't you guys have like a ......a laser or something to cut locks?"

me and the rest of the staff fall into tears laughing.

me- "Um, no. we dont have a laser."

girl- "Ok, thanks" and leaves.

I didn't have the heart to ask her where she got the idea that somehow the university had given us a laser cutting device from the future, meant soley for cutting bike locks for girls who lost their keys when they were drunk the night before.


it was hilarious that she went right to laser as a the first option for cutting her lock, completely bypassing any normal means in which an underfunded bike ship might cut through a U-lock using conventional methods.

[mattr]

and this is why Condor is the busiest bike shop in the UK... and can charge full RRP...

Silliest thing I heard was the Manager at Condor telling me that they don't sell "Campy" and then proceeded to teach me how to pronounce Campagnolo... over and over again. No, he wasn't joking.

Just let me pay for my friggin brake cable and get me out of here!!

Sounds perfectly sensible to me.

Repeat after me, Campagnolo, Campagnolo, ............. (or in a pinch, campag)

[tymon_tm]

whoa.. i thought my LBS' are the most exotic bike shops on the planet..

anyway, some seatpost stories:

1. first ever full carbon bike in the city ( ) some few years ago - my friend assembled it, but problems occure with seatpost and handlebar - they would slide all the way(some schmolke stuff i think). so he uses some wet sandpaper for both, very genuinly & wide, sliding is gone, but when they dried out... (which was probably like, after 10 seconds?)

do i have to mention the guy who ordered this bike was waiting for a few moths and paid like gazillion in advance (years back, these were the prices )

2. another CF seatpost thing - i bought a wheeler alu frameset for my winterbike, and planned to put a ITM i got on e-bay. the seat tube was some 'strange' 27.0, but the wrench guy said 'such size doesn't exist'. so he took my ITM and told me to come back after school.

what i saw at the crime scene was: tons of sandpaper, kinda polishing machine, few metal-files, and the wrench guys' desperate look on his face.. he just tried to file the deda a bit and totally broke it...

[snips]

Evans...the Starbucks of bike shops.

They had a deal on Easton SLX cross fork...OEM stuff. Waited far too for one to be delivered to the branch next to where I work and when it did arrive there was a long deep scratch on the crown. So waited an age for a replacement to come through and it did this time a bung had been hammered in causing the headtube carbon to split.

Me "Can I have a refund"
Spotty Oik "Errr...yes, but why"
Me "Well I've waited for too long and these forks have all had defects"
Spotty Oik "Well the scratch was a problem but why don't you just cut the headtube down past the split"

I advised them to check their entire stock...

[jmg3]

I've never, honestly, heard anything really dumb - then again I lived in Colorado for 10 years.